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The Age of Aquarius

26-Mar-08

Other people see 2003-2005 as the low carb diet craze, when mobs of unwashed invaded the two decade old Atkins lifestyle. I, however, remember those as the golden days, when low carb condiments flowed off the shelves and bakers feared bankruptcy. The whole country’s diet would change, I remember, and America was finally making a return to skinny. Now my low carb yogurt and Splenda gherkins are the equivalent of Old Navy bellbottoms and half-moon spectacles, the last marketable items of something great.

Damn you, capricious dieters; we had something real.

The Bunny Does Not Stop Here

25-Mar-08

Easter is an interesting time of year for most dieters; it is one of the few holidays that separates the men from the boys. Christmas and birthdays give a free pass to anyone looking for that “one day” of cake and sweets, but cheating on Easter is a sure sign of lowered resolve. Justifying it feels dirty.

Luckily for me, the boyfriend’s family has been entrenched in calorie counting since long before he was born. We had BBQ for Easter lunch, with cakes for anyone still eating normally. Most of us watched the pensioners casually eat their slices as we sipped ice water. When I retire, I want to live next to a bakery; they’ll bury me in a piano box. People aren’t meant to reach 100, anyway.

At their dining table, diets aren’t so much awkward constraints as fodder for hour long conversations.

“We’re doing Atkins hardcore now, no more Splenda, sauces, soda, or nuts.”

“Oh, really? I have been thinking about it, but I don’t know how well it would mesh with my blood type. I’m not allowed cheese.”

“You should try P90X, it ripped my abs in a month. You’re hungry all the time, and you lose a lot of muscle, but, I mean, you lose weight crazy fast, Bro.”

“I think I’ll stick with Dr A.”

My Purpose

24-Mar-08

Once, almost four years ago, I happened across a full page ad for the Atkins Nutritional Approach. A large, modified food pyramid stood out from the page, which sat on my coffee table for at least a week before I paid it attention. When I did, there was absolutely no hint that it was going to change the way I thought about everything. On that morning, I weighed 455 pounds.

Just over one thousand four hundred days later, I now weigh 255. I’ve weighed 250 in the past year, and 280, and 260, and many other numbers in that range. My weight, although still somewhat of a fixation, has stopped driving me to the commitment I once had, and my weight loss, although large, has become a seesaw held in perpetual equilibrium: never obese, never skinny. It’s time that cycle ended, and this site will be the motivation and journal of my last big push, the last 70.

This diet is going to be different from all my rest; this time there is going to be a cold, hard reward at the finish line. I’ve started a paypal account for this site, and I won’t touch a cent of it until my scale reads 185 for two weeks straight. Scout’s honor. I sent the first $5; if no one else gives, my reward is still waiting. In the meantime, as you, whoever you may be, watch me post losses, stories, recipes and anecdotes, if you feel you have gained something from my site, or you feel you want to up the ante for my success, you can add to my fund.

Until then, just remember: thin tastes better than food.